Notes from the edge

Welcome to Depressive Monthly, your one source stop of whining and woe!

Consider the above a disclaimer and only read on if you are not looking for rainbows.

This is a synopsis of a few key points of the last few weeks;

• I went to the hospital where I discovered that my medication is showing some troublesome indicators in my bloodwork. This is almost definitely caused by the medication that they had to dance around the rules to give me in the first place, and the only thing that has ever made any serious impact on managing my condition. I am therefore obviously reluctant to come off it as they are to take me off it. But the bloodwork is raising questions. I am reduced to basically crossing my fingers.
• They also told me that they have now thrown every single thing they can at matters, and this is as good as it will get. Not what I wanted to hear, obviously.
• They are therefore referring me to another hospital to discuss things such as wheelchairs. I am resistant to say the least but have agreed to go to at least get information.
• I was signed off as unfit for work four weeks ago and have just been signed off for another four weeks. This is worrying me extremely in terms of my future even though it is not necessarily a permanent state of affairs.
• 

• Nigel started some medication a few months ago that he reacted very, very badly to. It seriously fucked him up and it’s not a stretch to say he lost it entirely. We (read I) therefore spent a Hellish few weeks trying to manage some quite horrifying outcomes. The Dr took him off the meds and as they leave his system he is returning day by day. He is very shaken by the whole thing though, as am I.
• As if that wasn’t enough for him poor N was run over while walking on a pavement (no serious injury but an issue none the less) and thus we have police officers in and out of the house.
• It transpires that I have significant bone erosion on my jaw bone. I have two old breaks on my jawbone, and I also had surgery on my jaw about three years ago. From what I can gather, the ‘joint’ at the break point and the normal joint are sort of joining up. This is obviously not desirable. Nigel to his credit has yet to make a blowjob joke but will eventually - it is inevitable.  My favourite jokes so far are"It hasn't eroded. It's simply reshaping itself so that you will one day be able to unhinge your jaw and swallow your prey whole" - "You know, if you want to bawl everyone out more efficiently you could just get a megaphone" - and "Well you don't chew blood babe". 

• There have been some very sad things happening that have nothing to do with N or I directly, but which have really deeply saddened me.
• Inspired by all of the above I have been pretty depressed, but am managing on as best as I can, ably assisted by my crack team of friends without whom I may have lost the plot entirely.

Anyway, that’s why I have not been a ray of sunshine lately and N has disappeared from the internet. We are however intact, together and trying to roll with the punches. 

Oh and somewhere in all this I turned thirty nine.