The lull before the new cycle begins.

The last week has been lovely but mad. For the first time since before Christmas things are settling back down which feels nice. I’m looking forward to a days peaceful hiatus before the new year.

I’ve spent lovely time with people I adore. I’ve systematically fed people until they are ready to explode. I have drunk christmasy things like amaretto and Irish cream, but predictably reverted to my true love gin, which aside from being my lifelong preference, definitely seems to go best with steroids (I'm working on producing the definitive word on steroid cocktails). I have got dolled up and danced. I have lounged around in a ridiculous plastic tiara that arrived courtesy of a friend (glamour - I have it). I have spent lots of time laughing and reminiscing and generally having people who love me telling ridiculous stories - ’do you remember in about 1996 when you…?’ (old friends come with such perils don’t they)? N & I have dedicated some serious time to shagging and yet again I am made aware that other people see our sex life as one long romp – we are commonly perceived as hopping off for a marathon bunk up at every opportunity. It’s only when other people reference it that I realise this with a start.

And in amongst all this the first hints of The Annual Planning Summit have commenced. The Summit is a source  joy as it means that we plan to do some cool stuff, but also of trepidation as we have to stretch ourselves and will be held accountable for various failures (mine for example includes ’why the fuck can’t you drive yet?’) which it has to be said is a good question. It also has strong ripples that affect other people. For example, N knows that the decisions made as a result will impact on him and result in various requirements, some of which will inevitably have far reaching consequences.  Wheeeeeeeee!

Anyway, a core group of us band together in various ways, offering support, a boot to the backside and generally helping each other out in reaching our aims, both individual and collectively. The last couple of years has seen me way below par but we are deciding that 2012 will herald my return to business. I can hardly wait, but am also scared as fuck as I’m out of practise at lots of stuff now, and suffering a significant crisis of confidence - definitive proof if any were needed that it's time to jump.

I should add that jumping, kicking and generally launching into my endeavours is my default approach to Life.....

Official undertakings will begin over the next week, but I am already decided that immediate moves will include;

• Dropping the excessive amount of weight I’ve gained from the steroids and Christmas cake as soon as I finish this cycle - ’Hello beautiful, you’re all round, are you junked up darling’? (My friends are so kind and subtle. But seriously, every day the Christmas photos show me looking more and more puffy. It's very sexy I'm sure).
• Getting a new course up and running.
• Learning to drive.  I have the funds thanks largely to other people's generosity (Did I mention that I love them?) I have the license. I now need to get the paperwork regarding my neck in order (for which I have made an appointment next week), then bite the bullet and plan time, book courses and tests - God help me, this freaks me the fuck out for a lot of reasons. I have managed to get to 38 without learning for a good many reasons which I am now about to kick.

Speaking of kicking, I will issue N with his new annual requirements over the next week too. Things are about to be shaken up. Game on :D

Just typing that makes me happy ;)

A moment of peace

I was about to reply to Vix’ comment on my last post, but decided to just blog quickly instead, as I’m sitting here in my dressing gown drinking a chai latte anyway.

Though still really unwell, N is showing intermittent signs of small improvements. He managed to vigorously fuck my brains out for ages yesterday (‘God that really hurt my stomach but it was worth it’), which was very pleasing. And this morning he has asked for a bike ride, though he admits he’s really not up to much, and as I suspect he’ll be back really quickly I have not even given him a limit like usual. I’m packing him off to the Dr when they reopen, I am guessing that his anti-inflammatories have stripped his stomach or similar. It's stomach pain rather than stomach ache.

This morning there is a soothing, pleasant lull in the house, the first spot of tranquillity for a few days. I have entirely lost track of people’s planned comings and goings, but I woke up to one less person this morning, though if I understand correctly they are back later, and someone else arrives this evening (?) I’m going to run out of bedding soon.

N & I managed to sneak off ‘for a little lie down’ yesterday for a while, which as well as the aforementioned festive fucking, resulted in me having a very lovely doze afterwards too. When I tottered out of the bedroom later I found everyone competitively playing with Hexbugs, which I sleepily joined in and promptly worked out how to train. Some things just come naturally to a chick like me ;)

Seasons greetings!

It’s Christmas! Wheeeeeeeee! I’ve had a lovely day.  First I awoke to be presented with heaps of gorgeous, wonderful, perfectly chosen gifts which is a frankly marvellous start to any day. I got;

Ruby slippers

Yes, I really am that camp.

A really excellent thumb ring that I am thoroughly thrilled with. It's exactly what I wanted and very hard to find (astonishingly I know, this item is not camp - it's steel, with a rope design in and really great).

Driving lesson vouchers (hurrah! Various loved ones have now chipped in the vast majority of the cost of the driving course I want to do for various gifts. This is bloody wonderful. I suspect they are partly encouraging me because of the thrilling prospect of not having to ferry me about in future).

Lush goodies including my favourite Karma products.

Sanctuary goodies (also great favourites).

Various other lovely fancy smelly things.

Purple leather gloves. Very nice.

Gorgeous Christmas rose candles in jars that smell like absolute heaven. I love nice candles. 

Books, several, various, all most excellent.

A madly twinkly Swarovski crystal butterfly hair thing that I fell in love with on sight ages ago. It looks better in real life than the photo (though no less blingy)

Keep Calm and Carry On merchandise, various, lots. Mostly the original red kind, but also a desk set emblazoned with the following alternative

Sweets and treats (see  ^)

A really lovely lap tray with butterflies on that I wanted - when I type at home from now on it will be on that :) I am charmed by it.

The soup bowl set that I was charmed by and asked N to get me in Blakeney.

A pleasingly vast quantity of sugar free caramel coffee syrup. Yum.

 

A polished wood and embroidery vintage box which is very lovely.

A beautiful snowflakey pin (jewellery and a torture implement in one, v handy).

The Urban Decay black palette, swoon

A make up bag with other lovely things inside it,

….And a real Charlie Mouse that sings the mouse organ song from Bagpuss!





It sings this song 



After that I basically played with my toys, tarted around in my shoes, chatted to best friends, gave lots of cuddles to my loved ones, cooked and scoffed a massive decadent lunch, drank lots of nice bubbly stuff, had a very pleasant nap, and am planning on watching Downton Abbey shortly. Perfection.

I got Nigel;

Some motorcycle gloves he wanted. He seems very pleased with them. Apparently the knuckles are extra brilliant or something and there is a special feature. Oh yes.

Books, various

CD’s etc

Sweets and treats, various

Boy bathroom things that he particularly likes

Stationary things he likes

A wallet that says ‘Tight Arse’ on it (I am naturally delighted with myself as the result of this hilarity. Bwahahaha).

He’s really not very well and in obvious pain, but has been a darling none the less. I wish he didn't hurt though... aside from the whole love factor, I feel cheated when anything but me causes him pain ;) He has bravely managed to force some christmas cake down however - he's so brave ;)

I hope you all had a christmas day as wonderful as I have, and the next few days, and the whole of 2012 is lovely for you too x

Groan

Holy Mother of fuck I feel shit today. Last night was weekly big drug night and the day after that is always far from sparkling, the RA is surging as the steroids haven’t kicked in yet, and yet the steroids are making their presence felt in terms of side effects.  As such it is 16:00 and I have only just staggered out of the shower and am sitting here with wet hair in a dressing gown. Bleurgh.  

Weirdly though this really problematic burn on my stomach I’ve been battling with (this is such a sexy post isn’t it?) is suddenly healing. Huh. No idea why but yay for that at least. Maybe it heralds a swing in the right direction? 

(I cannot find my cellphone charger by the way; I have someone searching for me though; so if you are a real life person just reading to find where the hell I am, home phone, email or FB me please x )

Blood, Gingerbread and Steroids.

Sadistic Domestic Goddess Tip #48:

One of the most blissful culinary combinations in the world is homemade toffee gingerbread fresh out the oven followed by mouthfuls of blood. The combined flavour is utterly sublime, and very festive. God I love Christmas. 

Needless to say I have been baking, and sampling and am now a little high and very happy :)

Why yes, I do look utterly like the delightful Ms Day as I spread my special domestic Goddess festive cheer!

Ok, now the boring part. I’m on steroids again which should make Yule etc interesting.  I went to the Doctor as I was going downhill so rapidly that it was obvious I was going to be crippled within a fortnight at best, and I thought I’d try being proactive and prevent it getting that far, which last time worked. The Doctor was great, she just took one look at me and wrote me up a hefty prescription which was pleasingly easy. I think I may now be getting the hang of this RA lark.

But enough of this boring stuff, let us return to matters festive, in particular glittery peacock feather slavetails. Thankyou to all of you who memoed, commented or 'loved’ the tasteful and understated photograph of N so chicly adorned for the festive season. I was feeling really ill when I snapped it on a whim, and the overwhelming and hilarious responses made a rough day more cheery. I’m sure N feels the same. He’s currently lying in the bedroom bleeding and recovering following some very loud screaming and asking if I was putting acid on his skin (it wasn’t acid but wasn't that a pretty question)? However, as I haven’t shoved any holly up his arse today or put a disco ball on his balls (the title for that pic would be simple at least, yes?) I personally think that must surely constitute a win for him. And as I said the blood was simply delicious with my gingerbread so that’s what really counts. He lives to serve ;)

Sparkly!

Fa la la la la, la la la laaaaaaaaaaah

On the up

Things are looking up again :)

N has decent painkillers which are allowing him to sleep and it’s making a very pleasing difference. My boy is back, hurrah! 

I have been running around making the house twinkly and christmasy which delights my camp sparkly self.

All gift shopping is complete. Repeat, all gift shopping is complete. I have a few things to ‘do’ gift wise, but we are within acceptable time still. I have however wrapped bugger all really.

My health has gone down quite sharply the last week or so, but it’s still objectively good considering the time of year, which I'm trying to focus on. I’m pleasingly non busy at present so I'm trying to buoy myself up that way. Steroids soon are inevitable I suspect, and they should help. 

S is coming to stay over Christmas and he too is perkier again. It's funny how both N & S are following the same patterns really. Though their syncing like this is sort of sweet in it's own way, I must add that it is most inconvenient for me ;)

Our anniversary was rather lovely (and thankyou everyone who sent well wishes, that was really awesome of you all). N very sweetly has not so much as asked to take off the bracelet I gave him since I put it on him. It was intended as a sort of collar substitute for when he can't wear his collar, and he is obviously very pleased with that as he wants to wear a collar more often than he gets to. And the bracelet doesn’t even tangle in my hair at night which is a near miracle.

Now N’s a bit more back to usual I’m hurting him again, which is really good. Repressing sadism is beyond fucking frustrating for me. This will sound ridiculous but it actually hurts. And yes, I know how ironic that is. Not hurting him is a great act of love sometimes. It's really nice to be back :)

Fifth Anniversary

Today marks the anniversary of me officially owning N for five years. I owned him before that really, but this was the date when we made it official, with collars and official promises and all that jazz.

These five years have been quite the roller coaster in some ways, we’ve experienced so much together - some quite amazingly wonderful times, and some moments when we have just bloody despaired. But underneath everything, my owning him also often gives our lives a wonderfully peaceful quality that we both revel in.

We’ve created a new family. We have moved to a new home in a new area and he created me things I really wanted. Our careers and lives have changed unrecognisably. We have run around going ’Wheeeeeeee!’ having adventures, with serious down and dirty, very bad, but utterly fucking awesome fun, causing trouble, and generally laughing and growling a lot.  We’ve fucked each others brains out, and remarkably, despite prediction have managed not kill each other. Quite the achievement.

He’s been reprogrammed mentally to think and respond in all manner of new ways that are miles away from where he started. He’s been isolated, then been thrown back into the world and I watched him blinded by the light and the noise of it out there, desperate to return to my side. He’s been dragged through some trials as only I can do (it’s a talent). He's dealt with me having other lovers of both genders, despite believing for a long time that it would break him if I had other men. He’s acquired a lot of scars, screamed, bled, collapsed, been pissed on, begged, cried, been arse fucked relentlessly, been scalded, been fitted with plugs for long periods of time, been given enemas, been  kicked, punched, slapped, scratched, restrained, face fucked by men and arse fucked by men just because I say so, been caged, been the subject of porn, been beaten excessively, been chained, been humiliated in the extreme, had sharp things stuck in him... and I must have drunk litres of his blood in this time. When I'm too ill to move my head he cuts his wrist and tenderly holds it to my mouth for me because he knows blood will give me a boost.

Five years today

The bad times have been pretty dark, some of our own making, and some just what Life has thrown at us. We’ve both had very significant bereavements and propped each other up through them. We’ve both had surgery. He’s been injured looking after me. I developed a chronic health issue that really blew our fucking lives up, and despite the mayhem that caused we held on by our fingernails and somehow staggered through intact, taking it in turns to drag the other one as needed. He’s wanted to throw the towel in and discovered just what ‘can’t leave’ means in reality when you're mine, and afterwards he’s been glad that I’m such an awesome bitch at the head tampering and the violence.

We love each other deeply, passionately, primally. We looked at each other six years ago and sort of went ’Oh it’s you. Actually I don’t officially know anything about you do I?’ There is a connection based on recognition as much as anything else, a bit like two predatory animals recognising each other through pure instinct and trying to decide whether to try and take each other out, or pair up and form a pack (being natural thrill seekers we initially sort of tried both simultaneously, you know, just for kicks). He doesn’t get all kinds of things about me, but he gets some of the bits that other people freak out about. So ok, yeah, he’s bemused by my flashes of uber-camp, my faith, some of my relationships, my cultural circles – but I don’t need him to get those things,  I have other people for that. His place is to be mine with all that that entails. There's nothing he wouldn't do for me and owning him feels like home for both of us.

…. And with all that and pages and pages more besides, what is the one thing that other people always remember? That I sold his bloody Ducati.

Happy anniversary N xxxxx

'A moderately good play with a badly written third act'.

The last few weeks have been trying for about a hundred and one reasons, but I’m pleased to say things are now looking up :)  Not perfect, but much better; 

·         N’s pain in his knee and insomnia (resulting from the pain keeping him awake) plus various other things wildly exacerbated his traditional seasonal slump, and eventually I marched (well, limped) him to the Doctors. He’s back next week but he’s already much more like his normal self.

·         As I let up on him for a while when he was really not ok through necessity, he managed to interpret as some slight on his slavery (slave logic does not resemble any other logic). Bossing and belting him around again has him looking quite cheerful and comfortable again. I have some pretty and painful declarations of love planned for him after his next trip to the GP which I’m sure will make his heart sing. One must be pragmatic about marks etc. after all.

·         Speaking of cuts ;) I have cut his working hours quite a lot however as this seems sensible. He is pleased but concerned about this.

·         Meanwhile in our alternate timeline S is not in a good place either and I am very worried about him. So both my boys have been messed up lately , a state of affairs I am less than thrilled about. There is now a some extra support in place for him however.

·         My health is still holding out and we are well into December! Hurrah! I am gleeful. My body appears to be trying to flare but the clever drug cocktail is winning. I am back on a decent sized dose of a drug I usually avoid but so far no ill effects and good results. All hail drugs!

                          

·         Not being a fool however and being aware that Christmas is a-coming I am trying to get that well and truly sorted just to be on the safe side. This is going well. Pretty much all gifts, cards, and non perishable food are purchased, and the To Do list regarding this is getting shorter. Fa la la la la, la la la laaaaaaaaahhhh.

·         I am planning a course for January and am busying away with sorting that out.

·         Finances are tight, largely as we have had a lot of unexpected large expenses lately.

·         The traditional Winter damp which we have thrown a fucking fortune at since buying this house is back. I’m so glad for the epic amounts of money, time and effort we have spent on this little hobby. 

·         And speaking of water let us not forget the boiler demanding financial attention. There is an aquatic theme emerging actually. Perhaps I should buy a boat next.

·         Actually, ~ invisible secret telling ink~ I am planning on finally learning to drive in the new year. Now, I’ll admit this probably sounds less exciting than a boat but it’s a big move for me. I have to have a couple of medical bits verified, sort some minor mods, and renew my driving license then I plan to give it a go.  I’ve even chosen where I’m going to go.

So anyway, that’s a not very thrilling overview of what’s been going on.