I’ve just posted on a thread on the O/p group and it led me to write this post.
Though other people do, I never use the term ‘sex addict’ about myself as I think it’s a spurious ill defined term, but it’s definitely fair to day I fit much of the vague criteria generally bandied around as indicating sex addiction – except for the ‘negative impacts’ factors, and it’s this I’m going to discuss.
For the benefits of this post I just did a silly online assessment on a very earnest site to see what it said, and lo it informed me I have a serious problem with sexual addiction and need help. Okey dokey internet. But you see, I do not consider my sexuality to be problematic (you will be unsurprised to know there is a political rant about the tethering of female sexuality just brewing but fear not, I shall spare you all as an act of kindness).
One of the many reasons for me not considering my sexuality to be problematic is that I niftily manage this facet of myself by owning a slave. ‘Problem’ solved. - I'm an ENTJ, remember? We don’t like to not have stuff running according to our wishes. It's messy ;)
I am a diehard pleasure seeker, and God do I love the highs in Life. Always have done, it’s my base nature. So naturally over the years I have learned how to manage my hedonism. Throw in the fact that I’m hyper orgasmic, and the fact I would have a huge desire for sex starts to seem pretty obvious. The fact I cannot manage without orgasming very, very regularly is just how this manifests.
When I say ‘I can’t manage’ I do not mean I just feel an overwhelming (sometimes painful) desire to orgasm many many times a day, though that is also true too. I mean that I literally cannot manage not to – my body will even spontaneously orgasm if I don’t ‘feed’ it. I can often orgasm at will without external stimulation (I use the term ‘external stimulation’ because I am often stimulating myself with my muscles internally) and thus I just am sexual regardless of whether I seek out someone else to 'do sexing' with or not. I am aware this is seen as ‘problematic’ to some people, but really I would not change things. I like my sexuality. Very much.
Anyway, coupled with my natural hedonism, having people who are obligated canvases for my eroticism, be that for sex, sadism or domination; and to be honest the line between these is usually blurry in reality; is a perfect solution to a constant craving. And of course it’s also one that fits my base nature in the far more fundamental way as I really love control. I like just saying ’put your arse up, I want to use it’ or ’get busy with your mouth’ or ’lie there, I’m going to hurt you now’ or ’get your cock stiff I want to fuck’ without any need for whatever the hell it is other people do - roses, or candles or whatever it is.
The way I see it, if you are working something successfully to your advantage, not harming anyone, and happy with the outcome how is it a ‘problem’? The criteria for sex addiction is a) non conclusive, there is no definitive clinical definition from what I can see, and b) steeped in an ‘it’s a problem’ discourse (generated remember, by people making money out of expensive treatment programmes), which is one of the many reasons I do not genuinely identify with the paradigm;
But to take one popular model for sexual addiction;
- Frequently engaging in more sex or with more partners than intended.
More sex than intended? Yes, sometimes. But generally I’m happy with the principle of rampant fucking. More partners that I intended? No. Why? Because I don’t set myself up within a restrictive criteria, and I own a slave so I can have what I like anyway.
- Being preoccupied with or persistently craving sex; wanting to cut down and unsuccessfully attempting to limit sexual activity.
I constantly crave sex. I do attempt to limit for practical reasons. I don’t want to though. I was to fuck. Surely that’s obvious?
- Thinking of sex to the detriment of other activities or continually engaging in excessive sexual practices despite a desire to stop.
‘Desire’ to stop? Erm, depends what you mean by ‘desire’. While there’s a necessary and deeply annoying practical requirement, that’s not something I see as a desire. I occasionally wish I didn’t wake up horny so many times a night, or that I didn’t orgasm on the train or in Starbucks, but generally I’m content with the status quo. I engage in excessively sexual activities by most standards, yes, but these are not my standards.
- Spending considerable time in activities related to sex, such as cruising for partners or spending hours online visiting pornographic Web sites.
I’d say no to this but I’m sure a psychologist would count FL.
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- Neglecting obligations such as work, school or family in pursuit of sex.
Guilty as charged.
- Continually engaging in the sexual behaviour despite negative consequences, such as broken relationships or potential health risks.
No major negative consequences recently. Well, other than a few sexual injuries and the odd necessary slave repair job. ‘Potential’ health risks? Sure. Don’t all sexual relationships contain those though?
- Escalating scope or frequency of sexual activity to achieve the desired effect, such as more frequent visits to prostitutes or more sex partners.
And/ or generally upping the kinky depravity? In that case, yes. I am continuing to have a fine time, thankyou very much.
- Feeling irritable when unable to engage in the desired behaviour.
Oh FUCK YES. Stand between me and sex and it’s not pretty. It’s not pretty because when I need to orgasm, I. Need. To. Orgasm. And therein lies a key point - not all of this is psychological for me, it’s also very very physical. And I manage this, just the same as I manage my sadism.
So anyway perhaps I’m a 'sex addict' whatever that may of may not mean, but if I am I manage it well and I have no desire to change.
So there pseudo scientists.
