My FL feed informed me that there’s a newish group called something like ‘the Anti feminism league’ (and full of engaging and intellectual discourse they are too. Snort). But even though these particular individuals aren't really worth considering, this started a train of thought I'd like to consider here.
One of the trends on FL I find mystifying is the increasingly pervasive idea that an involvement with kink (even if it is M/f and/ or TPE) should automatically render any association with feminism obsolete. Even in CNC relationships there is that initial consent, where one chooses who to give oneself to, or who to submit to, and if one has kids one chooses who to allow into their lives etc. As I see it, this initial choice is really important. It was a choice made of people’s free will, usually after receiving an education. And of course the majority of us being on FL probably indicates we are to some degree in a privileged environment. Lucky us with our computers and our choices I say. I for one would rather not give that up in a hurry.
But of course the majority of kinky people are not in CNC, and most people chanting anti feminist rhetoric are simultaneously chanting the mantra of SSC. I wonder though, where the ‘consensual’ part of SSC comes into their longing for a world without any place for the aims or achievements of feminism.
Electing to live one’s life a certain way, is never the same as not having a choice, and it seems that this is frequently forgotten.
Lots of women in kink want the right to dress as they please without fear of violation. They want to post photos of themselves in nothing but nipple clamps and a smile not be judged or assaulted by all and sundry. Their men usually want the same thing for them. How is this desire opposed to feminism?
‘I love being raped!’ I hear women cry (one of my favourite examples was a woman who said ‘she liked to hang around dark car parks on her own hoping some man would rape her’ for the sexiness of it all). But wanting your own choice of man to shove his cock into you forcefully, with your consent (whatever form that may take, CNC included) does not mean you generically love a random spot of rape, even if you use the phrase for titillation. Unless we think the idea of our daughters, Mothers and any other men or women having a violent stranger, relative, or acquaintance forcibly violate them, then we are not skippety happy regarding the realities of rape. It’s that easy. You may like rough sex. You may have rape fantasies. You may have elected of your own free will (there it is again) to enter into CNC with all that that entails. But as an across the board matter I doubt most people would be just thrilled if for example the scary dude you cross the road to avoid raped your child or your sister or your Dad now would you?
You may like being beaten, but I bet you anything you like you wouldn’t want that to be at the hands of just any old person who decided they wanted to kick you about, free of even any thought of ramifications or a personal connection. Choice counts.
Most people want to have a choice who they fuck/ engage in kink with/ marry/ reproduce with etc. If you disagree ask yourself how you would feel if the man you detest most in the world had the right to forcibly fuck you, take your money, marry you, lock you up, and beat you legitimately. Or do that your kids/ sister/ brother/ parents/ friends. Deciding to elect to use your right to submit to someone is not the same as having this enforced on all people across the board. This is the key point that I see forgotten on FL time and time again. The fact that someone is in an M/f relationship, or a CNC one doesn’t mean they need to be opposed to many of the principles of feminism across the board.
Submission of the voluntarily variety (be that for a limited period or for all time) in no way automatically negates the core principles of feminism. Personally, if I woke up tomorrow, overwhelmed with a longing to become submissive I bloody well would be. Not in spite of being feminist but because of it. Feminism is about trying to attain equality of choice for people, and as such if someone elects of their own free will to submit I support their right to do so. In fact if someone attempted to take away my freedom to submit if the desire came upon me I would be very vocal about my thoughts on the matter (submissively and gracefully I'm sure. Heh). I want that right even if I don't choose to enact it. I want the right to choose how I relate to people, and I want everyone else to have that too. And we need feminism as much as we need all kinds of social constructs to have that. Think where we would be otherwise;
Like sex? Whore! You should be stoned to death.
Forced to have sex ? Child rape victim? Whore! You should be stoned to death!
Ever been sexual with someone of the same sex as yourself? See above. Or if you’re ‘lucky’ maybe a bit of " corrective rape " may be the answer.
Or perhaps you would really have loved your young self or your female children to be subject to some female genital mutilation
If you are on FL you have access to technology and the internet. Would you prefer to never have that option? Would you prefer to not have been allowed access to basic education perhaps? Do you want the option to vote? Even if you choose not to vote, or to give your vote to your other to use, do you want to be denied that option by random strangers? Or how about the option to drive? Or the ability to work, earn money and decide where that goes (even if it goes to someone else you chose to be in charge of such things).
Then we have the rampant misunderstandings of feminism, assuming or claiming it’s all about female supremacy or the subjugation of men. This is glaringly incorrect. There is no place for the notion of any gender supremacy in feminism. Principles regarding equality do not allow for such things by default.
And all these points are one that I think need considering before trying to be cute and trotting out trite phrases about ‘feminazis’.
As for the percentage of men who stride around FL loudly booming that they are against that bad, bad feminism I’d ask this. Let’s assume for the sake of demographic ease that you are a heterosexual dominant male and you have a female submissive mate. Do you want her to submit to random male authority out of fear, or just submit to yours? Do you want any dude who wants to fuck her to be able to do so without it being an issue? Would you want her stigmatised or mistreated for that? Do you want her to not be able to earn money if necessary/ desired? Do you want any kids you may have to grow up in that world? Or for your woman to not have access to contraception/ give birth without health provision? I rather doubt that in most cases, because I refuse to believe that most men are not decent human beings. I respect and like a great deal of men you see.
Moaning that essentially ‘girls are mean now’ is lame and the men who do that really need to up their game. Incidentally calling any random woman you don’t like a cunt doesn’t actually do that nor does attempting to patronise, or threatening violence (I have had so many rape threats on FL it is unhinged and at this stage dull). There are a great deal of really fantastic men on FL, and I don't find they elect to resort to such reductionist behaviour. They don't need to.
How we shape our relationship structures is a personal matter. What I am in favour of is freedom of choice, for everyone, regardless of something as trite as what genitalia they may have. Obviously we are nowhere near this, but that’s the principle at work in feminism, and one I believe that as members of a sometimes stigmatised subculture we do ourselves a serious disservice by tritely castigating.
Because if we start generically arguing against core personal freedoms, we ultimately shoot ourselves, and each other, in the foot.
