It's different when it's mine

I was writing a response to something on FL earlier and I thought I’d try to explain a bit more fully here.

I’m a sadist. That part is easy. I also like control, and preferably ownership. These obviously don’t have to be linked but as soon as you get to O/p they become so for me.

There are so many sadistic things that I like to do to what’s mine, and that gets reflected in myriad ways. Sadism without the context of ownership feels like a different creature to sadism within O/p for me. With someone I don't own it’s just different. I don’t drink just anyone’s blood for example, but if it’s my blood, in the sense that I own it, it’s a glorious, passion filled, life filled intimacy for me.  Take that connection away and the act is unrecognisable for me.

So for me, within the context of O/p sadism becomes more than ‘just’ sadism. It becomes a manifestation of a core truth, an essence, of something to do with authenticity and being who we are, and sharing an energy that we create.

That’s why trying to talk about sadism cleanly, as distinct from O/p doesn’t work for me if I’m talking about sadism within an O/p context. It’s because I am, effectively, talking about an utterly different experience.

I can hurt other people, I can lay all sorts of claim to their bodies, their spirits, their time, their love or whatever it is we are based upon. But unless they are my bodies, and my spirits contained within them, it is not the same from my side of the equation. Can I hit or bite flesh as hard? Yes - but the connection behind that is not in any way the same.  It may be wonderful, but for me it’s not the same.

I want to gulp down blood that I own, not on just anyone’s blood. There may be pleasure in it without ownership but for me, it’s not comparable. And drinking from someone I used to own would feel like sucking on something dead, not the warm fuzzy thing I hear about on FL. It’s the energy and connection that matters to me. As blood floods into my mouth (or whatever the act in question may be) it’s the physical manifestation of a primal, spiritual connection.

I know deep connections can exist without ownership, I have such connections, but this is specific and that’s why I find it hard to talk about sadism as the same thing whether it occurs in O/p or not. Because to me, it just is not the same the same thing. It may be to some people and that's wonderful, but it isn't to me. 

I can get pleasure from being intensely sadistic to people I don’t own, but it is so different to opening up what’s mine, because it’s mine, that it feels like discussing another subject.

Mindfulness and slavery.

There are often posts on FL and other boards I've been on about spirituality and slavery.  These can be quite divisive, I think this is because people can become entrenched in some dogma or another, and then become defensive about it. I think this is a pity as I think the area is actually pretty interesting. I also think that there are areas of commonality amongst some people who experience slavery as spiritual, regardless of any ‘path’ they may be on, and there’s one in particular I thought I'd mention as I don't see it verbalised a lot.

I think that by default, the act of slavery moves many slaves to a state of mindfulness. I don’t want to go into a huge discussion of this, but maybe just have a cursory think about it here.

While a slave may worry about the future, to thrive as a slave they often have to ultimately surrender themselves to the core truth that the bigger picture direction their future takes belongs to their owner, and sometimes by default, this can force a slave to embrace living in the present moment.   

Similarly, being made aware of things as privilege can force a state of gratitude. Rather than taking things for granted, without considering or appreciating them, I think that having one’s mindset moved to a place of acknowledgement and gratitude can; in some people; alter perception of the very act of ‘having’ and thus being.

Perhaps the slave is made to perform tasks or jobs they would not have elected to of their own accord and thus decide that to thrive they have to find positives and joys in the situation. Because really, for a psychologically together person, how long can you go on whining about how hard done by you are, especially in a situation you chose?

Perhaps I’m biased regarding this as in crude ways mindfulness is very much part of who I am.  Every now and then I’ll make a bit of an effort regarding this, but a lot of it just comes naturally and I usually just refer to this as my ‘Pollyanna’-esque nature. Lest I accidentally fool any of you into erroneously thinking I’m some kind of enlightened, spiritually evolved being (snigger, don't worry, I doubt any of you are that silly) I should add that I think in my case this is one of those perks of having had a less that salubrious start in life – to a degree everything looks quiet bright and shiny after if you decide not to waste your time being a miserable ungrateful fucker.  

Here, I’ve found that when N embraces mindfulness (though he doesn’t think of it in those terms) he is ok. Content, calm, settled and at seamless ease with his world. He's pleasant to be around, and pleasant for himself to live in. It’s when he flips the other way, which he does radically and aggressively, that he is both unhappy in himself and unpleasant to be around.

I don’t know how widespread this phenomena is, but mindfulness seems to be a notable trait amongst a significant proportion of the slaves I know in successful, happy, long term relationships so it seemed worth considering.

Q&A

Q: Why start a blog now?
A: Because I get asked the same things a lot and I thought this might be a good way to respond. Also, I like the recently referenced idea of being able to 'rabbit on' (geddit?) about my opinions without speaking as mod of the Owner/ property board I help run.

Q: Why am I called 'Mistress Tiara'? (Which in a moment of wild efficiency, I actually forgot to say in my opening post. I should probably write a bio at some point).
A: Because it made me laugh because it was so camp and funny and irreverent. Because it sounds like a drag Queen name and that rather tickles my sense of subversion. Probably because I loved Courtney Love so very much when I was younger, than I used to run around in a grungelike manner wearing a tiara, ripped fishnets and a sexy nightie, and to be honest I've never quite gotten over it (I really do like to be the girl with the most cake and I still own a tiara or two). Because when you abbreviate it to MT it phonetically sounds like 'empty'. Because as 'Queen Of The Universe' and I am sure I deserve a lovely crown, even if it is just an imaginary one? Because my life is generally so very far away from tiara wearing, that it is a hilarious joke if you actually know me.... and because I chose it on a whim once years ago and it stuck and now I can't be bothered to change it. It's a username.

Q: How often will you blog?
A; Whenever the whim is upon me, I imagine.

Q: What will be the thrilling topic of your blogs?
A; My experiences in an Owner/ property relationship. Power exchange. Ownership. Slavery.  BDSM. My relationships. Politics. My life. What I am doing, feel like ranting or musing regarding on any particular day, and other 'Really Deep Thoughts'.
　
Q; Do I actually believe I own N?
A; Yes. As does he. It makes us happy. It's how we live our life. It extends to every corner of Us. He's mine :)