A lot of life is pretty crap here at the moment.
N is ill, in lots of pain, tired and volatile. I am stressed to fuck (for all sorts of quite significant reasons) and staggering on as best I can, periodically finding myself freezing and just wanting to stop the world for a while. I’m not sleeping with a vengeance; this is major insomnia even by my standards; so of course I’m becoming increasingly exhausted which isn’t helping. When the alarm goes in the mornings every day I consider just opting out of the day. Can I fuck everything and just stay in bed? Just today? Just for an hour. I can I can I can…. I can’t. Bugger.
N and I have both used our emergency-emergency-emergency energy reserves, in different ways. We are crawling through the days and things feel endless. It's cold. We have had loads of big unexpected expenses at a time when finances are majorly overstretched. And I’ve slashed N’s working hours for the sake of his health which is of course perfect timing.
N is going to the Dr next week. I meanwhile am thinking of radical action. So the ‘plan’ such as it is, is to basically stagger on and hope the strategies we are implementing will work in time.
Other news? Well I have put on lots of weight (medication and problematic eating – I either can’t eat at all or I am eating carbs. Marvellous).
But I have really nice new purple hair, and currently have a 'fuck it all' Turkish Delight cocktail, while N is listening to music and winding down, so things are not all bad :D
Onwards.
Onwards.
3 comments:
Sending healing & sleeping vibrations your way
It's a bit like that around here, MT. We have just been sitting around the kitchen table discussing where next week's dinner is coming from.
On the bright side, barring disasters, I start a new job in December and Sir's house is sold.
Just got to keep putting one foot in front of the other until then.
Hugs!
Ms D
Thankyou both. And congratulations on your new job and the house sale Ms D, that's wonderful news x
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