What Matters To Me

These are the things that matter to me, in significant relationships. I’ve put them roughly in order, though it’s not entirely clear cut;

Loyalty.

What I want is loyalty first and foremost. Without that things mean almost nothing to me. Loyalty is a massive thing to me. 

Security.

To me this is not ‘safety’ which is something I do not believe in, and to be honest I do not understand why or how anyone does. (I realise this unsettles people, so I don’t mention it very much, but the very idea of ‘safety’ utterly confounds me. To me it’s like being told everyone else believes that rain is made of razorblades and drinking it kills you, so it's best to never drink - I understand that other people see it that way but I see quite the reverse). Nor is it the same as stability. I can cope with a tremendous amount of instability, but I don’t like certain factors, linked to the other things on my list; like loyalty, kindness, and respect; to not be certainties. They need to be secure.

Respect.

Respect is really important. I object to being treated like shit. Just because I can cope well with hostility or lack of consideration etc it doesn’t mean I feel I should with people who profess to care for me in some manner or another. Sometimes people think that as I can deal with an epic amount of shit, I will have no issue doing so in my personal relationships. Those people would be wrong. Being able to do something does not equal being willing to do it regardless of context.

Effort.

Effort matters to me. People may talk a good talk, or use props to see them through, but if they don’t put their money where their mouth is it just doesn’t mean anything to me really. It's easy to please when it's easy to please, but I see the 2% when real ball busting effort is needed as being the time that really counts.

Keeping their word, or trying their damnedest.

I don't like casually broken promises. They are disrespectful and tap negatively straight into my need for loyalty, respect, kindness, security, effort and listening. I hate people giving their word about something then forgetting it, or ignoring it, or writing it off later. I think it's crappy and disrespectful.

Listening.

Listening means just that. When I say something, I want anyone significant to listen to what I actually say, and respond to it. Not to respond to what they think I said, or what they wanted me to say, or to not say, or to try to try to get me to change what I say to suit them, or to brush it away because it doesn’t fit their view of the world. Listening goes a long way with me.  

Kindness.

I like kindness. It sort of overlaps with what I wrote in the respect section I suppose. I think it's important to be kind to people.

These are the things that matter to me. The things other people seem to insist I must want don’t appear. I don’t especially want gestures, gifts, sweet romance, cut-out-generic-erotic-submission, someone else's idea of 'service', money, hype, my arse kissing, promises for promises sake, or numerous other things it seems assumed must be my preference (because they are someone else's preference, or because other people are successfully fobbed off with them, or because it's assumed that these are What Female Dominants Desire) anywhere close to how much I want these things. 

I want what I want. The other stuff may be nice but it is not what matters to me.