Well trained owner.

07::00, deepest darkest Suffolk. Half asleep. Cold. 

Dashing to get ready to leave for Cambridge any minute now.

Before I can do so though I must get small child ready for school and there is a flaw in the system. Her leggings, necessary for basketball club, which I handwashed last night are still slightly damp. Bugger.

So, naturally in my half asleep; and crucially let us not forget arthritic with Very Dodgy Hands; state I take definitive action. I decide to quickly dry off her leggings by holding them over the gas ring of the cooker. They are not too damp after all and this will solve the matter quickly. I iz a genius, yes?

Ok, so it’s moronic even for someone without dodgy hands (someone who is currently sporting a nasty inner wrist burn from an accident involving failed wrist control I might add). And ok, I’d think someone else doing this was stupid…. but it’s cold and I’m in a hurry and I don’t want to traipse out into the cold to the tumble drier and fight with the lock for five minutes (because my hands are bad.....)

….. But this irritating voice in my head kept saying “If you drop these and set fire to yourself and the kitchen and have to explain to N just how you did this he’s going to lose his shit. Just think of the sanctimonious fire safety lecture, and how he will forever more have legitimate ammo with which to deem you to be a fire hazard of the highest order. And also what a fucking dick you’re going to feel explaining this to other people”.

Warning: Placing fabric, unstably, over naked flame is bad kids.

And thus, like a well trained owner I eventually traipsed out to the tumble drier and shall get the leggings out when I leave in ten minutes.

I am trueness personified. But kudos N - job well done.